Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Chicken Nuggets: 88 Happy Lessons I Learned in the Cafeteria

When I decide to write a book about my life, the subject line will be the title. Doesn't that sound weird? Chicken Nuggets? Chicken Nuggets taught me a lot about life. Let me give you the background story and then give you the top lessons (no not all 88) I took away from chicken nuggets.

When I was in 6th grade, at least I think 6th grade, one day me and one of my good friends decided that we were going to have a pig out during lunch at school--a good old fashioned keep going until your body is so full there is room for your soul eating contest. To our utter delight, that day they were serving chicken nuggets. We loved chicken nuggets.

I ate, in the span of 20 minutes, 88 chicken nuggets. I was the champ. It felt good. Even our principal who was all the while disgusted, was at the same time extremely impressed by the feat. If there was ever anything to take pride in at that time in our lives, it was knowing that the kid who can eat the most nuggets was in your school, your friend, your enemy, your pupil, the kid you threw stuff at it in class and the one you pushed at recess. Nothing mattered though, because for a glorious few precious moments, I felt the world stop turning, and someone was truly happy.

After that there are different accounts as to what happened, some of which include me throwing up, which I vehemently deny, although it is possible.

Anyway, what lesson could a person take away from a Chicken Nugget? Here are a few:

Lesson 1: Everything is covered in layers, often layers that no cares about, looks can be deceiving and the best stuff is always on the inside.

Lesson 2: Kids are stupid, and will always do stupid things, but if we could hold on to the happiness of our youth forever, maybe we would reconsider and realize that maybe kids aren't so stupid after all. They're just happy.

Lesson 3: Anything you can fit 10 of in your mouth at once probably shouldn't be in there in the first place.

Lesson 4: Don't throw up next to people. People are easily disgusted and will never forgive you for throwing up on their shoes.

Lesson 5: This is the most important one. In my life, I absolutely must build a time machine to go back to those times. Times were simpler then, we did whatever the hell we wanted and we were truly happy. Go back to those times, just to sit and take in the happiness. Go back to those times... Even if only for a minute, go back to those times...